Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Sporty: 50 inch waist


Confession .... I have a beer belly. Yes it's true, I do. I can't deny it anymore. The picture to the right is of a man with a "beer belly" ... a 50 inch waist.
My waist is 52 inches!!! I know I'm fat and in danger of all sorts of health risks but seeing this picture really brings the message home.
So in the spirit of confession, here are my stats and goals:
Pounds to Lose = 118.2
Body Fat % to Lose= 21.9
Inches to Lose = 55
--
Weight
Starting Wt = 248
Goal Wt = 128
Current Wt = 246.2
--
Body Fat %
Starting BF% = 45.9
Goal BF% = 24
Current BF% = 45.9
--
Measurements
Chest = 54 1/2
Waist = 52
Hips = 51
--
Beer Belly = Motivation

Ginger: The Secret

I think all the buzz about "The Secret" is kind of interesting. On some level, the law of attraction kind of makes sense to me. Our thoughts drive our choices and our choices contribute to our circumstances. Therefore, our thoughts influence our circumstances. Pretty obvious, right? My dad has been referencing the book "As a Man Thinketh" for years...

Anyway, let's apply this principle. If I want to live a healthful life, I have to make healthful choices. My interventions usually start and stop here -lots and lots of obsessing about choices. However, the law of attraction says that these healthful living choices won't kick in until my thoughts change.

Frankly, my thoughts are rarely in sync with the outcome that I want. It's sooooo much easier to dwell on how HARD it is to get to the gym or how INCONVENIENT it is to cook. Ironically, even thoughts that seem related to healthful living can draw my attention to its opposite (when they are framed in the negative). I don't want to GAIN WEIGHT. I have to stop EATING OUT and SKIPPING WORKOUTS.

Does "The Secret" guarantee instant perfection? Nope. Will I have setbacks? Of course! But hey, if it can fuel positive choices, I'd like to make it work for me.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Scary: Here I Am

Things to know about me... I am a realist, some may say pessimist but I disagree. I weigh 238lbs, I am a poor speller (as you will see - I almost always forget to spell check and I write "to" instead of "too" all the time), I aspire to be many different things (wedding planner, life coach, author, vegetarian caterer, match maker etc.), In real lige I am a social worker/stay at home mom for the next couple years, I have two kids (twin 2 year olds), a great husband and I can be very sarcastic and blunt. Now on with the post...

So I have been in the process of moving (a compulsion that my husband and I have every 2 years or so)... and I have not had easy online access - hence my late post. I am hoping that by blogging here I will be inspired to take a look at myself, my choices and where I am headed and make a change.

Ah.. change... funny word. In almost ALL other areas of my life I embrace change and can make a decision and make it happen almost instantly... but not weight loss. Last year I came to the conclusion that I probably will never be the "results not typical" model on any weight loss add because - my results are ALWAYS typical. This is the one area of my life that I cannot seem to get under control. The worst part about it is that now that I am a mother - I actually care. I care about passing on my bad habits to my kids. I care about being afraid to horse back ride or skate with them (because I may break a bone in my 238lb frame). I care that my husband - who eats whatever I feed him wants to have a hot bod... and I may be keeping him back. For the first time I care and I still have not conquered the problem.

I just make such poor weight loss decisions... for example - we are moving to a new house and my biggest joy is now the kids can play outside without me putting out so much effort. I have dreams about sitting on the couch watching them on their swing set... need I say more? When we were deciding what items to to move vs. get rid of I tried to barter my EFX away to my hair dresser to get my hair done for free. Should I not be trying to create an exercise room in my spacious new home? Ah... you see what I mean. Poor choices.

If by my birthday this year (I'll be 28) I have not made any progress - then I will be looking in to gastric bypass surgery... I am going to give it my all (which so far has not been much) for the next several months and then if nothing.. I am going to accept defeat and seek success in another way. I CANNOT AND WILL NOT be this size when I turn 30... I will get diabetes and I may get heart disease if nothing changes - so if will power does not kick in surgery will have to. Now don't get me wrong. I don't want the surgery and I know the risks but I also don't want to die hoping that I would eventually lose weight... and I don't want the latter much more than the former.

So what is the plan??? I don't know. I am still trying to build up the interest and focus to even create yet another plan. I have basically tried every diet plan out there with Sporty and was committed to Weight Watchers for a while but with my twin toddlers and my husband's wacky work schedule it has been hard to keep up. I have been fat all my life... seriously but I only noticed and began to care about 3 years ago. I started to work at a hospital and came face to face with the medical realities of being fat and aging... not pretty. I had some really supportive nurse friends that pushed me to make change and I did. I lost about 40lbs that year. I have kept about 30 of them off (give or take 5 any given week) and most of my eating habits have stayed altered- so I know that I can do it. However because of the amount of weight I need to lose - I need to do much more. Ever since then it has been a roller coaster of dieting... I have always been comfortable in my skin, in my minds eye I look much slimmer than I am so I am comfortable with my body image... My only motivation is health (which is big to me) so I need a plan. Quickly...

I'll think about it and let you know what I come up with...

Monday, February 26, 2007

Sporty: the fat gods are EVIL



Today the fat gods were against me. You see, I've been in an off and on relationship with Weight Watchers(WW) for the last seven years. I can truly say that we've had our ups and downs! Anyways, I decided to give the relationship one last try and so far we've been doing ok. WW encourages you to "Move More" during week 3 and they provide a 4 staged plan to help you move from the couch to the gym:
Stage 1: Start Out
Stage 2: Build Up
Stage 3: Ramp Up
Stage 4: Keep Going

I'm in Stage 1 and I'm trying to earn 3 activity points this week which means that I need to exercise 3x for about 20 mins. I had no interest in working out today but decided to use some willpower and go to the gym after work. Left work at 6:00 and drove directly to Bally's gym . Got there at 6:25 and circled the parking lot several times before I finally found a spot....in Lebanon. Got to earn 3 pts... so I told myself that the long cold walk was my exercise warm up. Changed into my gym clothes and decided that they must have shrunk in the wash because my pants aren't supposed to be capris? Got to earn 3 pts... realized the i forgot my gym socks and would have to wear my black trouser socks with my white and blue sneakers, my tight gray lycra "capris" and my too short "bottom belly showing" pink t-shirt. But I've got to earn 3 pts...so I strap on my polar heart rate monitor,ipod shuffle and fill my water bottle.

What the @#$%$ is every cardio machine taken? I ask the guy next to me if he's waiting for a machine he says yes. I notice that there are several other people waiting - great! I see what might be an empty machine and I discreetly sneak over to it but discover that it is Out of Order - super! I go to the aerobics area to find that the last class (Advanced Step) started 30 mins ago and you can't join after 10 mins. With barely any motivation left I decide to walk over to the weight training area and I see that every "i think I look hot in a wife beater guy" is hogging the machines!!! The only place left to look is the back room where "the people who walk around with 1 gallon jugs for water bottles" work out. I tell myself that the it was a good effort and if I go to the supermarket now and buy water for the week I'll still be doing something to stay on track.

I quickly put on a my black leather coat with my black trouser socks, white and blue sneakers, tight gray lycra "capris", my too short "bottom belly showing" pink t-shirt and make my way back to "Lebanon" to my car. At Safeway supermarket, I grab a cart and head straight to the water aisle. Once there I grab a 2 gallon bottle and put it in my cart. As I'm reaching for another I look down to find a huge puddle of water on the floor and water spurting everywhere from the water bottle in my cart. AHHHHHHHH!! Damn those evil fat gods!!!!!!!!!!

Sporty: Perseverance or Surrender?

Just read a review about the book a fine balance that provides a new way of looking at balance. The review said that instead of a balance between hope and despair - the balance is really between perseverance and surrender. Perseverance or Surrender? Hmmmm...I think this better describes this journey. Should I just surrender to present comforts or persevere to accomplish health and well being? Persevere!

Sporty: Finding Balance

A couple years ago I read the book A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry. It was wonderfully written and it explored the "fine balance" between despair and hope in the lives of its characters. The concept of "a fine balance" stood out to me because for the past few years I have been struggling with balance.

In college instead of gaining the "freshman 15" I gained the freshman 50!! Despite numerous diets, gym memberships and trainers, by the end of grad school the scale said 215 lbs (a 75lb weight gain). Yikes!!!! After graduation I was determined to "finally" dedicate the the time and effort to beat the scale. Here is the journey thus far:

2000 - Lost 15 pounds/ Gained 20 lbs
2001 - Lost / Gained
2002 - Lost / Gained
2003 - Lost 30 lbs
2004 - Gained 40 lbs
2005 - Lost 50 lbs
2006 - Gained 60 lbs
2007 - Lost 1.8 lbs

As you can see I haven't yet struck that "fine balance". Looking at this pattern I feel the scale tipping to the side of despair ...I've tried and failed many times, I'll never beat the scale, the odds are against me, even if I got to goal (lose 120 lbs) I'll just gain it all back... I could go on and on with negative thoughts but then I remember that the weight loss journey is made up of gains and losses. Time for a new way of thinking.

Ginger: New Day, New Deal


I use this phrase a lot. It assures me that every day is a chance to start fresh.

"I'll have the Filet-O-Fish. Extra tartar sauce. No, no drink. Um...actually, can I have a shake? I'd like half vanilla, half chocolate. Ketchup? Yes. And do you have honey mustard?"

New Day, New Deal. I'll cook at home instead of eating out so much.

"I'd like a small Blizzard. Yes. Pecan Cluster -and can you add cookie dough?"

New Day, New Deal. I'll only eat desserts on the weekends.


"Hi. Oh, you're working out today? Um...maybe I'll come. I'm not sure. We'll see. Let me call you back."

New Day, New Deal. I'm going to do the Body for Life workout plan.

The problem is that "the deal" keeps changing. I've cycled through a million and one different interventions. Some (vegan diet) have lasted longer than others (drinking half my body weight in water every day). Inevitably, they're all temporary. The deals are lies.

So...I'm not going to lie about anything today. But I will keep blogging. Maybe I'll even come up with a better mantra.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Ginger: Looking Back, Looking Forward

*In 2003, Mimi & I wrote this story to earn points for a competition at our Curves gym. I'm including it here 'cause it's kind of inspiring to look back at how motivated we were. We've had our ups and downs but our activity levels have really changed. Now, we're YMCA members and a "three workout week" isn't something to celebrate -it means that we've missed two days! Maybe blogging with friends will get that "borrowed willpower" thing going again.

You Can Borrow Willpower from a Friend


Mimi: This year was my magic birthday. What’s that? I turned 30 on January 30th. This only happens once in your entire life. I was doubly excited about this special birthday because 30 is such a milestone in one’s life—especially so in women’s lives, it seems. This wasn’t a traumatic landmark for me, as it is for some. I didn’t look back over my life and see wasted years or look at where I am and think that I should be doing something else—or look ahead feeling the best years of my life are gone. I’m 30 and I’m excited. The future is mine!


The only mar on this landmark birthday was my weight. Now, I wasn’t depressed because I had put on 10, 15, or 20 pounds over the last decade. I have always been “big,” as some people put it euphemistically. However, I have always been overweight and healthy—my cholesterol, blood sugar, blood pressure—all good. I had no urgent reason to lose weight (other than the whole want to be thin thing, you know!). But over the last few years I’ve noticed that my knees ache a little bit here and there, and I am reminded that my sister got diabetes younger than I, and that heart disease runs in my family. I started to feel my mortality. I decided that I didn’t want to be dead before 40.


Shortly after, I was sitting in the laundromat glancing through the City Daily when I came across the Curves advertisement. I was immediately excited. I’d thought about joining a gym, but I wanted a safe and supportive environment. Curves looked like it was it. I called and scheduled a visit. Then I called a friend…


Ginger: It’s safe to say that I’ve never been a gym person. Ever. Actually, to be honest, it’s not just the gym. My idea of fun just doesn’t include working out, playing sports or engaging in vigorous physical activity of most kinds. This feeling never stopped me from buying one gym membership after another –I just couldn’t motivate myself to actually go. At the last place, the staff didn’t even recognize me when I came in for my first workout –probably because it was six months after I had signed up!


Last year, I moved on from my job, away from my family, and out of my comfort zone. The transition was a good one. I felt a real sense of adventure and started to think seriously about other life changes that I wanted to make. Diet and exercise seemed like a good enough place to start (the whole want to be thin thing, you know!). I talked about the idea for a while, mostly to hear how it sounded out loud, and then put it right back on my list of things to procrastinate about.


So, when Mimi called to tell me about Curves, I was naturally more than a little skeptical. Why would this time be any different? Our student budgets don’t leave much room for error but her enthusiasm was contagious. Armed with lots of misgivings and a new pair of Nikes, I came in for a visit. I could tell right away that this place had a different “feel” to it and I joined that day.


While I can’t say that I’ve fully embraced a more active lifestyle, it’s two months later and I’m still here. Mimi is right here with me. I have a string of “three workout weeks” under my belt and so does she. Mimi is steadily earning Curves dollars for being the “motivator of the week” but I’d go broke trying to pay her for the initial push and the ongoing support that I need to stick with this. I now know for sure that you can borrow willpower from a friend!

Ginger: A Pound or Twenty

For the record, I support the catchy blog title 100%. However, I have never, EVER thought of myself as a skinny. Even in high school, I remember reading a diet book for kids, vowing not to eat after 6 PM, and downsizing my meals.

Then, in college, I gained the "Junior 15" twice over. Oh no! I was overwhelmed... demoralized...loading up on vending machine snacks every night. Having Sporty -who pretty much defines supportive friend -as a roommate was the only thing that kept me from really going over the edge.

Somehow, I slimmed down a bit over the summer. Maybe it was the "going vegetarian" thing. Maybe it was the break from all-you-can eat cafeteria food. Who cared? I ripped up my "fat" picture and moved on. But then...



In 2002, I started school again. Uh oh. And, by now, my metabolism was slowing down. This time, I decided to be proactive and make some "lifestyle" changes. Riiiiight. There are only two reasons that plan ever made it off the ground. 1. My new hometown practically forces healthful living on you (hint: I moved to a coast) and 2. Peer pressure from a couple new friends.

Red, my boyfriend, has no problem with exercise, buys mostly organic food, and prefers a vegan diet. And yes. He's a local. Mimi, a fellow student-slash-kindred spirit, talked me into semi-regular workouts. With their help -and some virtual support from Scary, Posh, & Sporty -I saw the possibility for real change.

Alas.

The stress of writing the paper-that-we-no-longer-refer-to-by-name triggered a few choice habits (think eating ice cream by the pint). A year later, my Body Mass Index is almost >25. The numbers don't lie. Skinny isn't the right label for me -but I'm thinking about working on it! Now let me go order dinner. And maybe dessert from that new Jamaican place...



Saturday, February 24, 2007

Posh: Virtual Me




I used to be 115lbs. That was eons ago. 11 years...eons... same thing. I'm 209lbs now. I wanna get to 140lbs. Thanks to www.mvm.com, I can see what that looks like. And that's the virutal me in a big belly bathing suit. Yes, that was the actual name of the category...big belly...I guess it's supposed to make your big belly look...less big?

Ever seen those before and after pics that people post? I love lookin' at those. I always start off with a bit of awe...Wow, look at them! That's amazing!...Then I move into a wistful place...Why can't that be me?? I wanta look like that!... And soon the inspiration starts welling up from within... It can be me! I'll just do what they did! If they can do it, so can I!... I quickly race to the kitchen to make a protein shake (a symbol of my immediate weight-loss action plan) and find to my dismay that the protein mix, which has been sitting in the cupboards for the last two years, has passed its expiration date...Great...Just grrreat... I drag my feet back to the pics and glance again, but this time with disdain...Yeah, right. I'm on to you...I see the small print: results not typical... Consolation comes grudgingly as I sit with my bag of cheese curls and tell myself that if I was on weight-watchers, the bag would only be 4 points...





The Story of Us...

Here's a story,
of a lovely lady
And three of her very be-est friends...
3 of them were overwe-eight
The other one was thin...

We've been friends for 20 years...yeah, we feel old. Back in the day, I (Posh) was the skinny one. I had this gaunt I need more food look. Fortunately, I had some padding in the right places so in the moment it wasn't so bad, in retrospect I looked hungry. Wasn't really into sports but I used to hike a lot (mountains, parks, waterfalls) with the family. Anyway, had a kid and I'd like to say that the whole pregnancy thing triggered off a latent hormone cycle that spiralled me, in the last 11 years, to 209 lbs...but I can't... It sounds a lot nicer, though, than I like to snack a lot and that great food can be the highlight of my day and that I go through intense cravings for cheese curls and macaroni pie and roti & curry (island food) and lemon crunch cake with vanilla ice-cream and that my concept of a "hike" now is my walk across the parking lot to get to work....and well, you get the picture. So that's me.

Then there's Sporty. Since back in the day she's been saying that she was fat. I don't think her size ever really registered for the rest of us. Most we may have thought was that she was "big boned"...cause she is... Think her height (5ft) may have accentuated what was or wasn't there. She's 246.4lbs now. We looked at some home videos recently, though and realized that she had a really nice normal size...not too skinny...not fat...Didn't even realize it at the time. She's been the most avid weight-loss attempter. She can organize a weight-loss plan with the best of em... Weight Watchers, Body for Life, Random Weightloss clinic, Weight watchers, Exercise Boot Camp, Weight Watchers... She's gone through a couple of cycles. And when she's on, she's on! Dieting & Exercising Demon... She lost over 50lbs one year....only problem...she gained it back the next! She keeps on trying though...This year's gonna be a weight-loss year for her. She's a good inspiration!

Scary. I guess you could say she's always been the "fat" one... remember when we were really, really young her grandmother making a comment about how she drank too much juice...not sure if that was the actual case, but several years and glasses of juice later she's 238lbs. I think out of all of us though, she's the most comfortable and secure with her weight size. Not that she wants to stay that size but she's comfortable in her own skin. She's been focusing on the health issues of being overweight...diabetes runs in her family...ever the logical one though, she's given herself a deadline...this coming July, I believe...if she hasn't gotten it together and started losing weight, she's gonna get Gastric Bypass Surgery. She says she'd rather deal with those side effects than deal with Diabetes. She wants to choose her health issue!

And finally Ginger (aka Miss Skinny who went from a size 10 to a size 8 because she decided to embrace veganism as a healthier life style and who doesn't drink soda 'cause it tastes so artificial and who likes to wake up in the mornings and go for walks or even a nice afternoon walk....). Yeah, so Ginger...she was always a regular size I would say....had a moment in college where she put on some weight but she became a vegetarian and lost all the weight (just have to insert bitterly that I've been a vegetarian all my life and I'm still 209lbs...but oh yeah, I forgot I have the whole hormone thing going...) Anyway, I think she's been talking about how she's having problems fitting into her clothes so she's trying to do the whole exercise thing (more) this year. I don't even know how much she weighs... Who cares, anyway-- she wears a size 8!! I'd love to fit my size 18/20 self into her jeans! But anyway, in the spirit of best-friendliness: Go Ginger! Go Ginger!

So that's the gang. Of course we have a few peripheral characters: Scary's husband who wants to be wearing a speedo, with six pack abs on a beach this November (No he's not even close to speedo wearing), my skinny active sister who always wants to exercise and "lose weight" (yeah, she gets the same kind of bitter comments as Ginger), My son who started reading food labels last year, to remind me of my caloric intake and weight-watcher points (even though I never asked him to, but he says he's just trying to help) and my villainous mother who notices every plate of food I eat and the number of cheese curl bags in the trash and just knows that I'm gaining weight, even though the scale says I'm maintaining and who says that I need to dilute my juice with half a glass of water...

So yeah, The chronicles of our weight-loss begins!