So, I just had a random and vaguely unsettling experience.
As I was leaving an interview, I caught sight of my reflection in the glass door. Now I should mention that I was already a little paranoid about my top (in case you're wondering, think horizontal stripes...'nough said). Anyway, it didn't help that, as I walked away from the office, I noticed a slight waddle. You know, the "I've gained some weight but haven't quite adjusted to my new size yet" walk?
In the split second that it took to register what I was seeing, I had the fleeting thought that I looked -and I hate to admit it- slightly less "professional" than I felt (kind of like when you're chatting up a storm then find out that your hair was sticking up or you had something stuck in your teeth). A flood of guilt quickly followed: "What?!? Why would I think that? Do other people see me this way? Does this mean that I unconsciously judge other people based on their weight?
This crisis was largely theoretical and very short lived (as most of my crises are). No, I decided, I may have a body image issue or two but I'm not a weight-ist. However, the incident DID make me wonder: have any of you guys ever had interactions that were colored by weight? Does your sense of self (which may or may not = self esteem) vary at different sizes?
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3 comments:
I know I have but will have to search the cobwebs of my mind. LOL. Fortunately or unfortunately in my field the typical SW is a fat, smiley black woman.
A "fat" in ill-fitting clothes always stands out. Stand out less if you have a tailored, face done, hair done look going.
Sense of self has varied when I have to hobble around or when I was in Spain and we were treking to various sites and I was always the last fat in line or had be pulled up the hill that didn't feel great. Or the time I had to get the wheelchair at Disney World. Overall I feel good but there have been definite moments.
I know that once i start shedding lbs and I enter a new dress size, I get a bigger boost of confidence. And I know also, that being in the islands, where skinny people rule, makes me more conscious of the fact that I'm overweight. Generally though, if I like my outfit,and my hair and make up are done, I'm good.
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